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DEEP music video - THE WHY?

Heartbreak is something a lot of us have experienced. It can make us feel a variety of emotions: lost, depleted, ashamed, weak, confused, and alone amongst a sea of other emotions. It's easy to allow the pain to diminish our light, thinking that we will never recover and that we aren't worthy of love.

This song “Deep” is the story of the unfolding of a passionate love, heartbreak and recovery that I experienced. I wrote it to inspire myself and others who have gone through heartbreak, to connect with the ever-present passion inherent in nature and within ourselves.  This deep connection and grounding can help us to move through the pain to discover an even stronger, more powerful version of self on the other side of fear.

Heartbreak is always a great inspiration for an artist. When I write lyrics, they are for own my healing process. The words I write are what I need to say and hear for myself in order to embody the lesson and move forward. This heartbreak story has a happy ending. Because I worked so hard on loving myself more fully, I established a strong foundation within myself based on my needs and desires. This allowed me to be attract and be receptive to a partner who allowed me to be this more grounded version of myself.

In all honesty, I wrote this song two years ago, and it has been a long road of recovery to heal my heart from the experience. It is a long and drawn out story of passion—falling deeply in love as my heart opened wide. I got lost in the passion (to the point where I was hardly eating or sleeping, but surviving on our mutual life force), and then was tossed aside as if I were a dirty rag. It hurt. I felt so many different emotions, and I am happy to say that there's a happy ending to this story: the alchemy of turning this heartbreak into a creative project! (This music video!)

I
n the summer of 2018, I was in Japan in the onsen (hot baths) with a girlfriend of mine, Angela Maki. I was alone in the sauna, and it was extremely hot (which I love), and I was sweating a lot. Inside of the sauna some Japanese music was playing with sultry lyrics that I did not understand. I began fantasizing about this man who I had experienced such passion with. I recalled the feelings that arose within me during our time together. The chorus was born:
"I wanna go deep, deep, deep in your jungle. I wanna get lost, lost, lost in your arms. I wanna feel high, high, high on your vibes. I wanna feel love, love, love in my life."
The verses in this song were written upon realizing that it was all a fantasy, and that our love wasn't sustainable. I needed to let him go, but the addiction to the passion would be hard to let go of.
Verse 1:
Am I chasing dreams?
Or do I let them come to me?
I can call you in, and let you go.
I’m somewhere in between: yes and no.
Freedom, space, desire.
The want, the need, the fire
When’s enough enough?
I don’t wanna play rough.
I wanna see the world, but you are my universe.
I could live inside your eyes, inside your kiss.
It’s your love I miss, an ocean of bliss.
Verse 2:
Heaven on earth, will it always be like this?
I’ll keep singing and dancing around the world.
Maybe you’ll find me on the other side.
One thing I know: my love will not hide.
I’ll come back to me and create my own reality.
Am I living in a fantasy?
Am I living in a fantasy?

I realized that I was feeling so many feelings, and that these feelings needed to be processed. The healing would occur by allowing myself to feel all of the feels and allow these emotions to move through me. I was confused, frustrated, angry, sad, grieving the loss of love, and I was extremely hurt because he wasn't completely honest with me. The words to this song became my own reminder of how to heal: continue  following my dreams ("I'll keep singing and dancing around the world"), that only I can bring myself happiness ("I'll come back to me and create my own reality") and that  passion and pleasure exist within the elements of nature ("an ocean of bliss").

Heartbreak is hard. No doubt. It's not exactly fun while going through the process. Coming back to you and learning how to love oneself fully after being broken open is hard work.
For me, the sensuality, the creativity and beauty of the natural world are a reflection of what is alive within my spirit.  Music is a way to heal those broken parts of ourselves that can be put back together when we allow the process to unfold naturally, and to choose to become better versions of ourselves. 
It is my hope that these words support others who can relate to being heartbroken, and to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is possible to come out on the other side feeling empowered, inspired and activated in your purpose. Once we have this understanding of who we are, we are able to receive the love that we deserve.
Our connection to nature is the key. In my Hawaiian culture, the practice of hula exemplifies this.  The dancers move to the beat of the wind, the song of the trees, the pounding of the waves—we are replicating the signs of nature, which are sensual and sexual in and of their existence. The dance reminds us that we are part of nature, that we are always WHOLE, just as we are, connected to all that is in the cycle of life.

The last verse of the song was designed to express this DEEP connection to the Earth.

Verse 3:

You are my roots.
You are my water.
You are my air.
You are my fire.
You make me irie.

And with these words, we are reminded that passion and love can be experienced in the soil, in the ocean, in the forest, in the fire of the blazing sun. Joy and that HIGH (irie) feeling is alive in each moment whenever we allow it to be.

It took me two years to recover fully from this heartbreak. My new partner, John, who was so supportive to play the role of the masculine in this video has helped me to find balance within myself. I am so grateful for his support and patience during my healing process.

In the last two years, I have fully stepped into my purpose as a life alchemist: to change challenging situations into beautiful artistry. I wrote an entire album, I created a new jewelry line inspired by the ELEMENTS and I began to surf (which has been a lifelong dream of mine, but I was living in fear)! I channelled all of these emotions into my work and let them become the fuel for the fire to succeed. It is my sincere desire that these words inspire anyone who has been heartbroken to rise up and recognize this as an opportunity to create your dream life. You are the creator of your reality with every thought, every word, every action. Thank you for reading this, and I sincerely hope you enjoy this new song.  

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